Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I just got back from the barn. Ella has been so incredibly mellow, and she nickers when she sees me (warm fuzzy!). All those little things really help my confidence—I'm starting to trust her more—the fear that she will take advantage is fading. But, still, it seems so high up. I'm waiting for my dad to make a higher mounting block with rails before I try getting on again. So not much to report! I found the NARHA mounting ramp plans, so that should help him figure out heights and other useful features. Until then, I'm just lunging her on a line and in the round pen and giving her lots of attention—she's a total sucker for attention and absolutely adores being brushed.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Baby Steps
We went out to the barn again, so I could try getting on Ella. It took me a little longer to panic and start uncontrollably crying. I have a feeling that it will take awhile before I actually manage to get on. Then—#$@%!!!—I can panic over that. I've tried visualization—I think that's the only reason I make it up the mounting block. My dad is going to see if we can keep a mounting block that he builds at the barn. I need something much taller with rails on either side. I hang on to him so tightly, I'm afraid I might knock him off.
I also need to figure out a way to practice the motion of getting on in a less stressful situation. Putting one foot on two surfaces (stirrup and mounting block) is more than I can convince myself is safe. I swear, thinking I was going to die was a lot less scary. It is so completely irrational.
On the up side, though, Ella was incredibly sweet, and acted worried and upset when I started crying. That bodes well for her taking care of me when I do manage to get on. She has really turned into a nice horse, despite a rough start and a growing reputation for being crazy. Even so, I have too many years of not being able to trust her that I'm also trying to overcome. If only my old horse, Erik, was still alive. I trusted that horse more than was necessarily wise. I knew he would do his best to take care of me, even, occasionally, at his own expense.
I also need to figure out a way to practice the motion of getting on in a less stressful situation. Putting one foot on two surfaces (stirrup and mounting block) is more than I can convince myself is safe. I swear, thinking I was going to die was a lot less scary. It is so completely irrational.
On the up side, though, Ella was incredibly sweet, and acted worried and upset when I started crying. That bodes well for her taking care of me when I do manage to get on. She has really turned into a nice horse, despite a rough start and a growing reputation for being crazy. Even so, I have too many years of not being able to trust her that I'm also trying to overcome. If only my old horse, Erik, was still alive. I trusted that horse more than was necessarily wise. I knew he would do his best to take care of me, even, occasionally, at his own expense.