Ella

I'm feeling heart sick--I really need to think about Ella. Logically, selling her is the soundest move...even when she's being an angel, she's a green, mercurial mare. I really need a patient, experienced horse. And I will for a long time.

I'd rather lease her in the hopes of riding her someday, but I'm (well, my mom) only going to be able to afford another horse by selling her. She's up to some nasty old tricks, charging and kicking at whoever gets her out of the pasture to ride her.Today, my dad did further injury to his injured knee, jumping out of kicking range.

The girl my parents have ride her is interested in showing her--I'll see how that goes before I make any decisions. But, I think it will always come back to her being young and hot :-( There are no guarantees that I will fully "recover." And quite frankly, while I'm scared of getting back on a horse, I'm rather terrified to get on her. I want my old horse back. I would have been 1000 times less afraid.

She was a dream that I got screwed out of. Fate can be an ironic bitch.

Some days life just sucks. My parents have one friend who is dying of cancer (stage 3) and another who has neurological damage (severe tremors) from being prescribed the wrong dose of medicine. But other, horrible, people live long, charmed lives. Explain the balance in that.

Ugh, I feel rage and grief. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry until I can't cry any more.

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